Diary has never been a fan of the shift to self-service. Waiting in line for the privilege of scanning in your own groceries, only to be told there is an unexpected item (normally my own arm – Ed) or needing to catch the eye of the over-worked member of staff to punch in the code hardly strikes us as a sensible use of time. But Diary is not surprised that the fad is doing wonders for the library service. Rather than have to make hushed small talk with some of the shiest and most self-effacing frontline staff in local government, it often makes sense to use the wonderful machines recently installed in our nearby branch. It makes one feel bold, brave and powerful, almost like Conan the Librarian. However, figures issued by the office of Public Lending Rights, the body responsible for author royalties, suggest self-service is giving courage to readers who would like to read something a bit risqué, but were previously too afraid of judgmental librarians to ask. How else are we to explain why 58,000 erotica books were borrowed in the year ending April 2013 – compared with a mere 12,000 the previous year? The trick is to make sure to renew or return your works of finely crafted literary prose before they are overdue. The indignity of paying a fine for Fifty shades of muck in front of mocking librarians would be too much for anyone to bear.