Memo: From Grubbie & Co, lawyers to Santa Claus, Lapland To: Leaders of UK political parties… It has come to our notice that in the past couple of weeks in the run-up to the festive season each one of you has deliberately been passing yourselves off as our client, ie, Mr S Claus. May we remind you that at this time of year the duty of handing out generous gifts and baubles to the poor folk of your country [insert name, UK] is entirely the responsibility of our client. Mr Claus is very upset at the idea that the poor folk of your country may become confused when offered by yourselves such a multitude of free gifts – their own model railway, 24-hour wi-fi to stream the film of their choice, own fully-staffed hospital room available at all times with five- minute waiting lists, personal carers to plump up their cushions if over 65...the list is endless and they didn't even have to sit on anyone's lap. Our client, Mr S Claus, fears that when the poor folk of your country [the UK] discover they have been offered what Mr Claus refers to as ‘a tawdry pack of lies, fibs and falsehoods' his own brand will suffer. We urge you therefore to desist. Remember – a gift is forever, not just for 12 December. Ever yours, Grubbie & Co.