Title

Labour Party head of election strategy Josh Collins is talking to new recruit Donna Hyde, constituencies liaison officer Donna: I'm worried. We're supposed to be the opposition. What on earth are we doing supporting the government over the EU referendum vote? Josh: (aghast) The last thing we want to see is the coalition collapse because it loses a Commons vote. Do you really think we're ready to form a government? Donna: But isn't that the idea? Josh: You've a thing or two to learn. Tell me then, what are our policies? Donna: We haven't actually got that far other than ‘don't blame us for this mess; it's all Gordon's fault'. Josh: Exactly. Anyway, when did the Tories last win a general election in their own right? Donna: I was still a baby. How do I know? Josh: Correct. It was 1992. And why was it so long ago? Donna: Because the public didn't like William Hague's bald head? Josh: Certainly a reason. But actually it's because ever since, the Tories have torn themselves to shreds over Europe. And they're at it again. Even Cameron can't keep the genie in the bottle. Which means more rows, splits and resignations. Great news for us. The coalition limps along, more and more Tory backbenchers revolt – they hate Cameron anyway – and we sit back and wait for it to collapse and power to drop in our laps like ripe fruit. Donna: But I thought we weren't ready for power yet? Josh: It's all about timing. Who in their right mind wants to run the country now? Get all this bad news out the way, let the euro be sorted, inflation fall, council cuts pass through the system. Come 2015, the Tories will be on the ropes – split down the middle over Europe – the Lib Dems shafted. We'll be back for another 10 years. Donna: Gosh, I didn't realise politics was so cynical. I think I'll change careers, work in a more honest profession. How about estate agency?

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Corridors of Power

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