Memo: From Santa To: All elves Re: Economies As we know, due to the tight fiscal climate in Lapland and the need to achieve our fiscal reduction targets there will have to be economies regarding this year's delivery of presents.The gift packing department has merged with the Lapland Christmas Wonderland Extravaganza repairs office which I shall also be heading as a shared service. There will be fewer presents to go round and as a result my office has been engaged for the last year in managing down expectations from the public. The idea that every household should expect a visit from Santa is clearly absurd. It is time the public bought their own presents. Letters addressed to ‘Santa, Lapland' must be returned with ‘insufficient postage' as we are no longer able to afford reimbursing the privatised Royal Mail. The number of elves has been reduced by 40% in keeping with an across-the-board cut in staffing overheads, which means that those remaining will have to do more gift-packing for less. I have also dispensed with two reindeer and gone on a diet so that the remaining deer have less to carry. Finally, due to new transparency rules I am no longer able to accept mince pies or glasses of milk. These will be left untouched by the chimney. A Merry Reduced Christmas to one and all.