A day in the life of an active citizen... 07.00 Take cup of tea to ex-chief constable, currently camping in my front garden to defend jobs and services 07.15 Agree street beat rota with borough Ccommander and nip to see Mrs Bates at Number 23 – dust for fingerprints following her recent break in and re-glaze kitchen window 08.00 Get kids to school. Meet headmaster for update on building project, take assembly and chair exclusion sub-committee. Exclude own kids for anti-social behaviour, fine self and take kids home 09.15 Pop into post office 09.16 Open post office, brief kids on dealing with angry pensioners 09.20 Check results of referendum on neighbourhood parking – overwhelming support 10.00 Remove yellow lines from outside house 10.30 Meeting of council neighbourhood funding committee 12.00 Cash cheque 13.00 Meet John for citizen oversight session at local hospital. Sack surgeon – don't trust anyone who needs to hide behind a mask - assist John with amputation 14.00 Leave John to speak to the bereaved and head to work 15.00 Still won't let me in pending my appeal against dismissal for absenteeism 15.15 Check results on removal of the Pope – overwhelming support 15.20 Get John round to help build new balcony 15.25 Check results of referendum on neighbourhood nuisance – overwhelming support 15.30 Evict next door neighbour 16.00 Afternoon tea with ex-chief constable – quite a nice bloke when you get to know him – consider reinstatement 16.30 Pickup kids – close post office 19.00 First meeting with new council chief executive. Explain how things need to change round here 21.00 Address large crowd of hyper-active citizens from new balcony. Explain concept of citizen infallibility 23.00 Knackered.
