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No Tarquin, I will not be pulling over to let that Tesco delivery van past. He can wait his turn like everyone else. He probably doesn't even speak English. I don't care if he is Polish or not, most of the van drivers born in this country don't speak English – or at least not what I would consider to be a passable form of the language. As far as I'm concerned, that bald politician who was banging on about immigration just doesn't have a clue. Doesn't he realise how hard it is to get good staff these days? One would love to buy British and hire local people, but they just don't want jobs. They would rather be lounging about on the welfare state, popping out another couple of kiddies to boost their income. And who gets to pay for it? Us taxpayers, that's who! Well, I know I don't work, Tarquin, but Daddy does – and I pay a lot of tax on the things I buy. There's nothing wrong with putting people up in sheds, per se – I suspect it's no worse than the conditions where they have come from. No-one really wants to bring in all these foreigners, but, if we are going to send them home, we have to start teaching the working classes how to actually work … and speak properly, for that matter. Gosh, it's so simple, I don't know why the Government can't get it right. Now Tarquin, let's stop off at Harrods Food Hall to get something for supper. We deserve a treat for sorting out the migrant workers' problem.

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Four Wheel Drive Woman: I pay a lot of tax on the things I buy

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