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The Budget Tarquin, stop going on about your pocket money. I've told you I'll give it to you when I get to the bank. Anyway, don't you know there's a recession? The Budget this year looks frightful – one wonders how poor multi-millionaire George Osborne is going to hold it together. Of course, if we weren't squandering all this cash on the wasteful public sector, we could really make some investments in the City to attract financial institutions from overseas. They never waste money. Well, that's what Giles always says. He told me councils are trying to grab cash from their pension funds to issue bonds. Goodness, can you imagine? Asking a load of old council accountants in their brown cardigans to try to keep up with people like Giles and his colleagues in the City? I mean, it takes years to understand how the City works. Giles only managed to get his job because his father was a director in the company – how can you expect people without that sort of family background to keep up? Although, maybe it's not a bad idea to put councils' gold-plated pension funds to good use – rather than squandering it all on early retirements for work-dodgers. They really don't know how to innovate during austerity and look after our money. Perhaps they should just give it all to Giles' firm to make a bit of cash for them. The bankers are getting all their bonuses this year, too, so things must be looking up. Back to the Dordogne for our hols this year. You know, I'm sick of all these austerity measures, let's pop into Harvey Nicks for a bit of a spree on the way home. Yes, you can have a pocket money bonus, Tarquin. You've not behaved yourself one bit this week, but when has a bonus ever been performance- related… Tarquin!

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FINANCE

Four-Wheel Drive Woman

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