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...Welfare reforms Tarquin, pop you head back in the window, there's a poppet. Yes, I know the wind feels nice on your face, but the way the busses whiz round Parliament Square, you'll be lucky to have a head by the time we get past Big Ben. That's even before we consider what these traffic fumes are doing. Goodness knows what they do in Parliament, bickering amongst themselves when they should just be getting on with running the country. Take the welfare reforms. Perfectly sensible plans to stop lazy plebs from sitting around scrounging off the dole while the rest of us pay their way. David's plan was all going swimmingly until the Lords got hold of it, and now look at the mess those musty, unelected fuddy-duddies have created – what a disgrace! You would think the Lords would know better. Generations of their families have worked their servants' socks off to get them where they are, you would think they would stand up against these families who bring children into the world, with no intention of ever working for a living. It's outrageous. All the Lords that Daddy knows would never have voted against cutting benefits. They know it's what is ruining this country. I blame these silly 'life peers'. If you will allow old lefties to be given peerages for no apparent reason, other than for being chums with Tony Blair, then they will stand in the way of that nice Mr Cameron's sensible ideas. They are just creating a scrounger's charter – that's what Giles calls it. Of course we shouldn't exclude child benefits. That would just encourage them to have more and more feral children running round the place. Goodness knows they don't control them properly – it's like breeding a whole generation of criminals and drug addicts. No, the only way to deal with these people is to cut back their cash and force them into real jobs – then they will be too busy to bother with their binge drinking and anti-social behaviour. That'll get them off the streets. Tarquin, I said you should bring your head back in the car! And do stop making obscene gestures to those bus passengers, it really isn't nice. I don't care if you do think they are all benefit scroungers and dole cheats - that man who has just got off the bus looks really cross. Tarquin!

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Four-wheel drive woman

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