I've never worked out the point of local elections. Firstly, three-quarters of the punters never even bother to turn out. Not surprising when all they get is a frosty-faced jobsworth with a clipboard demanding to see their ID like they were teenagers at a boozer.

It's not as if the jobsworths are overwhelmed with punters waving their polling cards and screaming to get their mitts on the stubby pencils so they can put a cross against a geezer they've never heard of.