Lurking A behaviour to be found in anxious senior executives which involves hovering around those who are important. It could be chief executives keen to catch the eye of ministers or civil servants, or leaders hanging out for party hacks. It involves rocking back and forth on your heels and looking awkward, while waiting for such people to become available for conversation. Grandstanding This behaviour comes in many forms at conference. Broadly, it involves telling people very loudly that you are important. Conference questions offer delegates the opportunity to grandstand. Such questions are long, complex, convoluted, self-referential – ‘You will have heard me say before’ – and speech-like in quality, with appropriate pauses for spontaneous applause. Blackberrying This is a generic behaviour which says, ‘I’ve really got too much to do back at the office’. It involves sending texts or e-mail while standing up. It doesn’t have to be on a Blackberry – although these are the must-have executive toys – but could be on any personal data assistant. It’s the kind of thing that could easily be done back in the hotel room or in the quiet seclusion of a corner. But what would be the fun in that? Bag-carrying This behaviour, which involves trailing around after very important people with bags and assorted need-to-have things, used to be restricted to civil servants. These days, those who are keen to get themselves in the LGA networking zone will bag carry for all sorts of individuals. The key feature is hapless following, usually with an inane grin on their face, looking pleasantly interested in everything their superior has to say. Sotto voce-ing... ... Or speaking in whispered tones as a means of influencing key people. This behaviour can be observed at key stands – the LGA, IDeA, The MJ, SOLACE, the Audit Commission... Delegates keen to position themselves as ‘leading players’ or ‘thought leaders’ will lean towards important individuals and offer all manner of solutions to apparently-intractable problems. The listener will nod sagely, but with a rhythm that suggests they’re not listening at all. Entre nous-ing This is a variation on the whispering behaviour, but it usually involves conveying information of a sinister nature. It is distinguishable from the expression on the face of the listener, who will be nodding more slowly and with a concerned look on his or her face. And the speaker will not be looking around for an audience. The essence is in sharing information that the other person ‘really ought to know’. Guzzling This is a conference-drinking behaviour which involves the rapid consumption of alcohol in the spaces between sessions. Time can be limited with so much networking and reading to do, so guzzlers waste not a second of it. It can be discerned from the angle of their necks – as bent back as it is possible to be – which allow the free flow of the demon drink downwards. Not to be confused with slurping and spilling which occurs involuntarily after repeated guzzling. Hanging back This behaviour says: ‘I’m only here with this fool under protest’. It’s usually exhibited by senior executives who like to let other senior executives know that it’s actually them who run the council, not their leader. The behaviour manifests itself as a series of connected looks that convey a feeling of disdain and protest at having to work for an organisation where democratic accountability means being bossed around by lesser beings. Those who do this usually have rounded shoulders – caused by endless fawning – and less expensive suits. n
